My Spouse Died, What Do I Do Next?

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If you have never lost a spouse, you can only imagine how difficult it can be for the one who survives. If you have lost a spouse, you know. Over the last several years I have had a number of people in this situation referred to me. It was meeting with one of them a few weeks ago that motivated me to write this entry.

She had lost her husband over 5 years ago, but was overwhelmed by the situation. See, her husband had always handled the family finances, and that had worked our fine until he was diagnosed with a fatal condition. In fact, he died in less than 2 weeks after diagnosis. There was not time to get his “affairs in order” or go over plans with his wife. Needless to say, this caused a lot of anxiety and stress for her.

Here are some steps to take if you find yourself, or someone you care about, in this situation.

1. Don’t do anything! As long as you will have enough income and cash reserves to handle a few months expenses take a little time to grieve and adjust. It is much better to clarify your thinking about your life now that it has changed so radically. Everyone you talk with, especially family and friends, will have an opinion as to what you should be doing. I promise you will make better decisions and have fewer regrets.
2. Meet with your current advisors. Frequently, especially if the surviving spouse wasn’t that involved up to now, the relationship will change. The most important thing is that you are comfortable with the advisors (especially tax, financial and legal) you are using. When you talk with them, ask lots of questions, take a lot of notes and then once the meeting is over, write down how you feel about that person or company. You may find that they were good for a previous time and circumstance, but aren’t right for your life now.
3. Start a journal. I find that if I keep a pad and pen nearby and jot down notes as ideas come into my head, I remember better what my idea was and can refine and take action at the appropriate time. Here, you should write down all the things you want in your life going forward. Most people come up with clear, great ideas at the oddest times, like when they are showering, driving, reading the paper, walking the dog, etc., it is really important to capture those ideas so that you can revisit them later and decide if the thought was worth pursuing.
4. Decide what it will cost. Once you have an idea of what you want to do, figure out what it will cost. This way you can prioritize and avoid having one item destroy your financial security. This happens most often when the surviving spouse wants to keep the house after the other has died. Unfortunately, a pension, social security or other income source was reduced or eliminated by the death and now trying to stay in the house just puts the survivor in extreme financial jeopardy. This can lead to the tough choice of giving up the house after depleting everything else. In my previous entry “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, I talked about the many factors, both financial and emotional, that go into decisions regarding the family home.

Taking Action Will Give You Piece of Mind!

Once you decide how you want to live and what you want to do, the rest can fall into place fairly easily. This will make the entire decision making process, as to what your next steps are going to be, much clearer and easier. If you aren’t sure how to figure out what your lifestyle will cost, we have a tool called the “Cash Flow Analysis” that our clients have been using to accomplish this. It can be a very powerful, enlightening and enriching process that can really put you in control of your financial future. If you would like a copy of the worksheet, or some tips on weathering this most difficult time, call or send us an email, we would be happy to send it right out.
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